Not even a year ago I was told that we are all already perfect from deep within, and we need to be ready to take off the dust from the best version of ourselves in order to make it shiny on the surface. Right away, my inner voice of an old perfectionist started bitching and yelling how that statement is a complete nonsense. It was something totally impossible to swallow to that well-trained belief, built for decades.
I can tell you one thing for sure. The best way to understand something is to try it yourself. Keep in mind not to force it. That’s what I did.
So, the point of self-development is to improve yourself, right? The goal is to feel better, behave better, be successful in personal life and career, and all that jazz… right?
The first thing is, of course, point out all of your flaws, be annoyed by them, torture yourself with “fast food” of motivational quotes which expire faster than a yogurt on the sun and put yourself under hundreds of restrictions. In the meantime, sell yourself a story how you feel much better and smile only with your mouth muscles, while eyes holding still. The crap story, right?
According to this philosophy, to be honest, the list of things to fix on yourself is never ending. Not even the greatest psychologist of all time could fix themselves to the point where there is nothing else to improve.
Also, the words “fix yourself” are so repellent in my opinion. It’s something that should be put out from our mindset. It just signals that something is not right with us and it should be deleted as soon as possible. That, of course, causes so much pressure and unsatisfaction in our minds.
Fighting these flaws only gets us into the loop and the momentum of frustrations are growing and growing to the point of addiction to improve, and possible insanity. So many flaws… oh man, we are terrible human beings! We should be forbidden to enjoy even a second!
If you ask me, all that mentioned drama of self-improvement is a bullshit torture story. I learned that accepting all the things, the pretty ones and the ones that we call as our shit, is the only way to improve. And all of that shit is part of the perfection mentioned at the beginning of this post. All of our flaws and virtues have two sides, acceptable and unacceptable, good and bad, and it’s on us how to deal with it. The best way is to embrace it and love it as part of ourselves. It will naturally evolve and improve on its own.
Forcing and controlling causes only contra effect. Feel encouraged to set all those flaws free on the playground, give them understanding and make an agreement how to benefit from them. The same thing goes for the virtues.