It was a sunny day, and my ass wasn’t giving a shit about it. I surely love sunny days, actually I adore them, but you know when you’re in your overthinking mode and dealing with loads of negative and stressful thoughts that you wouldn’t even notice a dog rubbing his tool into your revealed leg which you didn’t shave in months because you couldn’t bother with the basics of hygiene? Khm… I guess I got carried away with the description. Anyways, I think you know what I want to say.
I was heading to my therapist, not expecting much of a change or something. We were talking, hugging and touching (dirty minds, please not this time), and she touched my back. In that moment she said something that I didn’t care much about until I left the room and stepped outside…
The warm, and fresh at the same time, breeze managed to break through the layers of my wisely chosen foundation, and it touched my exhausted face. It activated a feeling of pleasure and joy that spread through my body. It went from the depths of my abdomen and accumulated in my chest, which straighten the hunched spine, and lifted the chin in fairly horizontal line. Spine, line? I got the rhyme. 😀
I was walking down the road filled with traffic, breathing the fresh toxic air (I should walk in the meadows next time), and started noticing everything that was happening around me. All the cars, all the people, all the old suffered trees, all the garbage in the cans, all the cracks on the floor… and it all was looking realistic and beautiful. All the flaws were the sign of freedom of life’s art.
The whole awareness of the existence and its reality energized me. Nothing was bad, nothing was good… everything was just the way it is. There was no need for control.
I set into my crashed can, called a car, and went into the traffic. What I noticed is that my driving skills were noticeably better. I was no longer under the pressure will I be able to realign or will I hit someone. Also, I didn’t care am I wasting my time in the line doing nothing. I had no need to control the situation and curse my soul because of the higher forces, and confused people by the steering wheel. I didn’t care was I a good driver. I was a driver, and that was it.
I arrived at my destination, went through the bunch of people, spreading the good vibes. While I was talking to others, they felt the vibe or they just asked what did I consumed because it’s not that polite to use drugs while working, but it would be fair if I share.
The same feeling continued for the next five days. All the negativity and tensions didn’t disrupt my condition. In fact, it was fascinating to watch in how many inessential situations people lose their nerves. I wasn’t thinking about it, I was just a neutral observer.
Also, I wasn’t thinking about my awesome state of mind and condition, I felt it, and I knew. I knew that I can.
Let me rewind the story. The therapist told me that she found a big will inside of me. After a while, my brain activated the situations where I accomplished what I wanted, and the enthusiasm started rushing through my system.
All of this was a condition of high self-esteem, and it was so fucking good.
Yeah, yeah, you can find a bunch of tips and tricks on how to boost your self-esteem, and that’s ok, but all of those thingies don’t matter if you don’t realize one main belief about self-esteem, and that is… I forgot. Just kidding…
Self-esteem is knowing that you can fuck things up, and be able to move on.
Of course, you’re going to fail thousands of times in your life. You going to slip and fall down the stairs, hit your car and other’s cars, fail with your projects, spend money on nonsense, choose an ugly outfit, date unreasonable person, be an unreasonable person, have pimples on your face, waste time on watching dumb videos, read posts like this one… 😉 Of course, you’re going to be criticized almost every day by almost every person, you’re going to listen to your inner critic everyday… And so, what?
All of this chaos is part of life’s art, freedom of expression, the game of diversity. It’s a rule of fail and learns. The link to moving on, and growing your self-esteem, is your will.
By focusing on yourself, your abilities, and how you can improve, you’re definitely building your confidence and growing awareness of your potential. And like in my example, enjoying in imperfections, you can see that diversity is fun and beautiful, and the comparison is no friend over here. Knowing that you can, looking at your achievements, and seeing from where to where you improved, your self-esteem will grow.
Now go, and fuck things up so that you can boost your self-esteem! 😀