No, I didn’t forget what I said in my last post. These brain cells of mine still work properly. 🙂 Flashback: I totally agree when people say “I don’t need someone to solve my problems”! So, let me share my conclusions, or what I noticed when it comes to choosing or dealing with psychotherapists or life coaches or mentors or whatever is popular nowadays. Down below are 3 things to be taken into consideration should you stay or should you go now… If you go, there will be trouble, and if you stay it will be double (side effects of listening to The Clash today – don’t mind this). Khm khm… now seriously, these are 3 things you should take into consideration when it comes to interaction with your therapist, life coach, mentor… you name it.
#1 Solving your problems
This one is connected with the statement from the flashback. I heard many times that there is no point of going to the therapist because they are not capable of solving someone’s problems. Also, what I heard is the implanted belief that you go there and ask them for the solutions, and what you should do. Similar to comic behavior such as “doctor, doctor, please heal me” (I almost got carried away with UFO’s song Doctor doctor, please, Oh, the mess I’m in) and you sit down and wait for the cure. Guess what happens… You don’t get the solution, and you get pissed. Majority of people are dreaming of having a big power within, and spreading motivational quotes about the power and influence, without realizing that with the power comes great responsibility and weightiness of making decisions on your own. Some decisions are barely noticeable, and some are so hard to make that you shit your pants. In those cases, you still have the freedom to make a decision will you give the power to the other person or you’ll keep it to yourself. My point is: when asking someone for an answer, or even an advice that you could follow, because it’s too hard for you, you’re letting go of your power. You’re giving the power into someone’s else hands. If that therapist is professional enough, s/he will not tell you what to do. S/he will lead you to what you really want, and only you know what you want. Your power stays within you. It might not be the best feeling ever, but that is the weight and the side effect of holding a power.
#2 Get personal
True professional will not pick the sides and involve emotions into the conversation. What is the point if you expect from your therapist to be on your side? You can call your grandma to give you compliments, and “reasons” why you’re “always right”, and she will even do it for free. Not just that! You will receive a free bonus: instant solutions to all of your problems because she knows it all when it comes to other’s lives. And if you call within next 10 minutes, she will send you a set of kitchen knives for free! Jokes on the side, when you notice that your therapist is picking sides or getting annoyed because of something, that is the moment when you should think will you continue with your sessions or find someone else. I personally noticed few moments like these, and I was careful not to be affected by it. I don’t want from my therapist to be on my side, I want a global objective picture of the situations that I’m in – to show me what is on the other side that I don’t see on my own. And I believe that is their purpose.
#3 Instant solutions
One of my favorite nonsense when it comes to self-development are instant solutions. I cannot be more sarcastic when I say how much I love it when (mostly) self-proclaimed, or one-year education, life coaches promote their services as “eliminate your fears in just 10 minutes” (I literally faced that offer) or “change your mindset in 3 simple steps” or “this powerful statement will change your life forever…”. “Just fill in this form and pay *****$ in the next 5 hours because (of the high request) entries are limited or you can stay doomed for life.” In my opinion, no one, and I really mean no one (now I hear Alicia Keys – No one, no one, no one Can get in the way of what I’m feeling – sorry for the musical type of a post), can guarantee you how fast you can solve/ change/ improve something within you. Everybody is different, and subconscious is so complex that you can barely predict anything. I realize that today’s way of life is so fast and people want instant solutions. Because of it, it’s so easy to sell crap such as that. If you are realistic, you should be aware that some things take time, a lot of time, sometimes years to change. Like many things in life, such as growing a new business or giving a birth, it takes lots of effort to make it through. So, if you ask me, pick the therapist or a coach with no bombastically fast solutions. Let’s be real, if you want things to get done properly, you’ll invest a lot of time and nerves to make it happen.