What I've learned in my 20s

20 things I’ve learned in my 20s

Is there any better way to celebrate your birthday than launching your first blog post? Probably there is, but let’s just leave that discussion for another occasion. Although I still have 365 days left till the 30s, another 365 shots to fail and learn, or just be a couch potato, I think I’m competent to share some of the things that went through my life in this decade and got stuck in my mind.

#1 Already good enough.

One of the hardest things that I could hear about myself. Raised on the critics connected only with the stuff that needs to be improved, fixed or changed. I’m sure many of you can relate to this one. Not being good enough and not accepting who you are is the best recipe to sabotage yourself, and feel free to forget about any form of self-improvement. This “already good enough” statement doesn’t sound dramatical enough, and I believe it doesn’t affect too much the person who encounters it. Because of that, I’ll give few more words… Your unique badass persona is already too special to be compared to other’s achievements or appearance. All of us and the whole existence thing is too complex to be defined by few beliefs of ours. The flaw in one situation can be an advantage in another and vice versa. Accepting yourself and the others is a huge step towards realizing this statement.

#2 Letting go old friends that don’t fit you is your personal improvement.

There are some people who you consider as friends till the end of time. Because of human’s tendency to change through life’s situations, some friendships don’t have the same connection that they used to have. After a while, it turns into a toxic relationship. Fear of losing someone who knows you, since let’s say, you tried mayonnaise for the first time in your life, and believing that you might never find someone like her or him, is not a good reason for you to continue drowning in your frustrations. Letting go unnecessary burden opens the doors to the new people who fit better with the new you.

#3 You have to ask for what you want and need.

Simple as it sounds. Expecting someone to read your mind, to study your constellation, or assuming that something might miraculously happen is a belief for another parallel life where we live in everybody except ourselves. Since we are not in that kind of story, we shouldn’t be afraid to ask for what we want or need. Shame might cause a lot of shit in the future if it gets out of the control.

#4 Don’t settle for the breadcrumbs.

Being in the relationships where you accept fears and frustrations for a bit of company, and something almost close to love is really a bad compensation. Similar to #2, letting go toxic relationships is only a positive sign for you to experience that you actually deserve a lot more. Something that you don’t need to pull and twitch to receive.

#5 When you start to annoy everyone, you’re on the right track.

I find a bit of humor in this one, but on the other hand, it’s followed by the solitude from time to time. When you step up for yourself, don’t control the situations, or others, expect to be considered, at least, selfish. There is a whole background hidden behind this one. I will share more about it in the future.

#6 No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

You can hear many times someone saying something like this “I have to do extra work because of them”, “they got me so annoyed”, “I can’t say no”, “I have to talk to them because they will get mad at me”… Endless victim mode, like there is a rope around them. We all have the power to say “no”, and stop the crap that we don’t like, without feeling guilty.

#7 Discover your personal boundaries.

First thing is first, stop putting others in the first place. Because of putting the focus on the others, we are not capable to see our own boundaries. As soon as we notice discomfort in our mind or body, it’s a sign that our personal boundaries are being disturbed.

#8 Don’t be afraid to try and experiment with the new things.

Try the food that you haven’t already eaten, or new sports, go to the places you have never visited, or hang out with random people. Also, try the things that you’re afraid of. You never know what you might discover about yourself, and actually, like the things that you have never think of liking.

#9 Putting the focus only on your mind is not really a healthy thing to do.

I was the one who was always putting mind over emotions. Thought emotions are so irrational and shouldn’t be taken into consideration when making decisions and changes in life. Pure logic disconnected from the sensation often led me only into overthinking, and not being able to establish my integration as a full being. Today I can say it’s all about the balance.

#10 Control is not the power.

A year ago, I was asked what first comes to my mind when I think of power. The word was “control”, meaning control over myself. It was mainly about controlling my emotions, not daring to show when I’m down or upset, because of fear that I might look as a bad person and be rejected. This control also includes eating shit in order to keep relationships in a positive vibe, and later on, portions of shit were only bigger and bigger. Today I can say, power is the ability to show your true self and how you truly feel in the moment.

#11 Stepping out of your comfort zone is the only way to grow.

This is the classic one. Everything that avoids autopilot brain mode and what requires looking at things from different perspectives is a chance to grow. Doing the same thing over and over leads only to complete stagnation.

#12 Accept the differences.i

Everybody has their own way of seeing things. No one of us is here to teach others how to live, behave, look… If someone has a different belief than yours, put yourself into their perspective and try to understand. If you still don’t get it, go play with yourself. It’s really stress-free when you focus thoughts into your world.

#13 Being an introvert is not the same as being shy.

I’ve touched both of the cases, and there is definitely a difference. From the outside, a person who is introverted is viewed in much the same way as someone who is shy. The introvert doesn’t feel the need to seek out social interaction. In fact, a too much social interaction can be emotionally and physically exhausting for them, I mean, for us. Introversion is a biological and personality trait, and introverts are usually fine with it. Shyness, on the other hand, can become so severe that it can actually be diagnosed as a mental health problem, where the shy person is unable to function in certain situations where others are involved.

#14 You get as much as you think you deserve.

Just take a look at people who you’re surrounded with, and how much they fulfill your needs. Take a look at your achievements, income, possessions… They all speak about your self-image. It’s not the fact that you deserve that amount, it’s what you think you deserve, and you take only what you let yourself to take.

#15 Procrastination is the form of fear.

Finally, the good news for the laziness (lol)! Procrastination is a side effect of layered fears. Those fears are related to the possible failure, work that will not be good enough, facing the mockery… In that case, not even trying, or prorogation of all the things on the list, procrastinator does in order to avoid the possible pain.

#16 Just take a compliment and shut up.

How many times did it happen that someone gave you the compliment and you start justifying and lowering yourself? To me, many. That someone didn’t give you compliment to listen to your complaints. Just say “thank you”, and that’s it.

#17 Vulnerability is the point of growth.

The vulnerability is the fuel for the innovation and creativity, and the measure of courage where we carry our uncertainty while taking the risks and being emotionally exposed. Simple description? Hehe

#18 Give it to yourself before giving it to others.

Until you learn how to respect, treat right and love yourself, you’ll probably have troubles simulating the same thing towards others. Same thing as not giving me the apple if you don’t have the apple.

#19 Mindset is a wizard.

It’s fascinating how much you can change the whole perspective, emotions, and the surroundings when you shift your mind. Looking through the glasses of the pessimist, the only thing that you can attract are shitty situations and negative people. When you change the point of view and beliefs, everything else adjusts.

#20 By the end of the 20s you’ll sense the middle age crisis.

All the stuff that you have been collecting and secretly carrying, in the first few decades, will start showing on the surface. I definitely don’t mind the craziness that is popping out. I take it only as freedom and as directions for the next decisions that are waiting for me.

How about you? What have you learned in your 20s?

An introverted endless thinker who is all into the human’s psyche and self-development. Turning the drama into humor. Always hungry to discover more.
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